2017 VOLVO S90

VOLVO S90: AVOID AT ALL PRICES!!!!

Performance: 0 Comfort: 0 Fuel Economy: 0 Fun To Drive: 0 Interior Design: 0 Exterior Design: 0 Build Quality: 0 Reliability: 0 Comfort Rating: 3 Performance Rating: 3 Interior Rating: 3 Reliability Rating: 1 Safety Rating: 3 Technology Rating: 1 Value Rating: 1

AFTER 3,500 miles: OK, this car looks great, drives great, handles great, very comfortable ride, etc. Now for the reality check: (1) Its European, so you're stuck with that ridiculous and battery draining "auto on-off" garbage. The auto on-off is absolutely awful, and when you turn it off, the stupid car always turns it back on next time you drive. It will drain your battery, it will be sloppy on the take off occasionally, and it will become annoying for anyone who has even a few mg of testosterone in their bloodstream. So annoying is that auto on-off crap, that this dangerous PoS is officially my last European car.; (2) The onboard navigation is simply dangerous to attempt to use, you will risk harm to yourself and others if you attempt to actually navigate using the onboard system...and that's assuming you've managed to figure out just how the hell to actually enter a destination address. Plaintiff's lawyers: check with your client to make sure they weren't trying to actually use Volvo's navigation system at the time they were injured, based on my personal experience, any driver attempting to use Volvo's on board navigation system likely ended up in an accident as a direct result of attempting to use it while driving. Stick with Carplay, Carplay (or your phone) is safer and, unlike the Volvo navigation system, it actually functions as a way to find your way around.; (3) The obsolete, permanently installed, horrible touch screen. By the time you take delivery of your car, that permanently mounted iPad wannabe monstrosity is already obsolete. To make matters worse, it takes a LONG time to boot up, so long that you'll be 3 miles down the road before the system will finish booting to allow you to adjust your climate, radio, or basically anything inside of the car...image if someone installed a Windows Vista computer to run your car...that's EXACTLY what driving this car is like.; (4) The usb plug ins for Carplay and in general are located in the dumbest place imaginable: in the center console inside the locking cover. There is no way to route the cord, so you must choose to either hide your phone away in a compartment so that you can actually have a working navigation system through your phone, or pretend its 2005 and balance your phone on your knee with no ability to plug into Apple Carplay without having the giant center console door up and banging your right elbow.; (5) The auto parking, while clever, works about 3 out of every 10 attempts and is simply terrifying for all vehicle occupants when it does decide to actually work.; (6) It constantly flashes extremely annoying, ex-wife-like reminders at you...for example, you'll be driving along and suddenly this car will notify you that maybe you need to pull over and rest...seriously, I can't make this stuff up.; (7) The "piloting" system is a clever thing to show off to your friends...one time...and I'm sure helps dealers dupe suckers, but in reality, is useless since if you don't grasp the steering wheel just right, it turns off after 15 seconds.; (8) The climate control system is ENTIRELY dependent upon the same Windows Vista like computer that doesn't work properly, so guess what? Yup, you'll be on the phone via bluetooth and the car will suddenly jack the AC to max, thereby drowning out your conversation, but never fear, because THAT only happens AFTER the computer finishes booting up.; (10) ENDLESS ghosts in the machine. Man, I could write a dissertation on all the weird stuff this car does. Screen occasionally decides to just jump to auto park mode, sometimes jumps to climate control mode, and most of the time the computer can't figure out if the car is in reverse or not, so a lot of times I'll be driving along looking at a rear camera view of the cars behind me...while driving down the highway at 35mph. A/C sometimes responds, sometimes doesn't, Synchronizing the temperatures sometimes works, sometimes doesn't. Basically, Volvo built a kick-ass, cool looking, fast, vehicle....then let some engineer's ex-wife permanently install a computer that seems hell bent on putting Volvo out of business as an automobile manufacturer. STAY FAR AWAY FROM THIS P.O.S.!!!!! What will really scare the living bejeezus out of you is that this same computer causing all your headaches, HAS THE CAPABILITY OF TAKING COMPLETE CONTROL OF THE VEHICLE!!!!! That's right, it can randomly decide to not only apply your brakes, at the same time, it will cinch down all seatbelts HARD as it applies hard braking to avoid whatever mythical and unseen beast the computer thinks it saw, or my personal favorite: when it goes over a bump in the highway. Let me tell you: There is nothing quite as terrifying as driving a car at 60mph and having said car suddenly turn into a four wheeled terminator that seems to want its occupants dead. FINALLY: This $60,000 anti-human turd will leave you stranded. 3rd loaner in 4 months of ownership.